Scout Jokes

Sam: What is Dracula’s favorite circus act?
Ethan: Tell me.
Sam: He always goes for the juggler!

Chris: What happened to the shoe salesman over the weekend?
John: I don’t know.
Chris: He turned into a loafer!

A book never written: “All About Atoms” by Molly Cule.

Jordan: What is a dog’s favorite food?
Mike: Tell me.
Jordan: Collie-flower!

Tom Swiftie: “These cookies need more spice,” Tom said gingerly.

A book never written: “How to Get Smart” by Rita Book.

Jake: Why do you sleep under your car?
David: So I wake up oily in the morning!

A book never written: “Popular Japanese Cartoons” by Anna May.

Peter: What do you call a restaurant that sells diamonds?
Elaine: I don’t know. What?
Peter: The “Hard Rock Café.”

A book never written: “Vitamins” by Auntie Oxidant.

Daffynition: Preamble—How an old man warms up for a walk.

Luke: What did the judge say to the dentist?
Joe: I don’t know. What?
Luke: “Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?”

A book never written: “Temptation” by Willie Takeit.

John and Jack were best friends, and they both loved baseball. Then one day John died. A week later, Jack was taking a walk when he saw John’s ghost appear above him.
“Hey!” Jack said. “Is that really you?”
“Yeah, it’s me!” John replied. “I’ve got some good news and some bad news up here in Heaven. The good news is that we play baseball every day!”
“Really?” Jack asked. “That sounds great.”
“Yeah!” John said. “But the bad news is you’re pitching tomorrow.”

Chris: Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Ryan: I don’t know.
Chris: Because it felt crummy!

Warped Wiseman wonders: “Did God give us shins just so we could find things in the dark?”

A young boy goes to see the doctor. He’s got a pea in one nostril, a grape in the other and a string bean stuck in his ear. He says to the doctor, “I don’t feel good.”
The doctor replies, “The problem is clear to me. You’re not eating right!”

Dennis: What has 10 letters and starts with g-a-s?
Mike: Tell me.
Dennis: An automobile!

Pedro: What kind of weights do dodo birds lift?
Boss: This better be good, Pedro. What kind?
Pedro: Dumbbells!

A book never written: “You’re Not Making Cents” by U.S. Mint.