Scout Jokes

Aaron: How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
Pee Wee: I don’t know. How?
Aaron: By golf carp!

A book never written: “Calling for Help” by Perry Meddox.

  Max: Did you hear about the nun who tripped over her laundry?
Jimmy: No. What happened?
Max: She kicked the habit!

A Beethoven fan went to visit the composer’s grave. When he arrived, he found Beethoven sitting up and erasing his symphonies. “What are you doing?” the fan asked. Beethoven looked at him and said, “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m decomposing.”

 A book never written: “How to Fix a Flat” by Aaron Tire.

John: What do you get when you mix a shark with a pig?
Max: I don’t know.
John: Bacon bits!

Chad: Why do magicians do so well in school?
Josh: I don’t know. Why?
Chad: They’re good at trick questions.

A book never written: “Desert Plants” by Sage Brush.

One day, a farmer was milking his cow, and he saw a mosquito fly into the cow’s ear. As he was milking, he noticed another mosquito in the milk. Hmm, the farmer thought. In one ear and out the udder.

A book never written: “Addition for Dummies” by Adam Up.

What do you get when you cross a fishing lure with a gym sock?
I don’t know. What?
A hook, line and stinker!

Tom Swiftie: “I leave all my earthly possessions to the Scouts,” Tom said willingly.

What do you call a dishonest ruler?
Beats me.
A “lyin’ king”!

A book never written: “Granting Wishes” by Jean E. Lamp.

Luke: What is a dentist’s favorite movie?
Joey: Beats me.
Luke: “Plaque to the Future”!

A book never written: “How to Fix a Flat” by Aaron Tire.

Witness: Come quick, officer; we just found Captain Crunch, Count Chocula and Tony the Tiger. They’re all dead!
Officer: Oh, no. I think we have a cereal killer on our hands.

Warped Wiseman wonders: “How can you have a well-rounded diet with three square meals?”